東南亞華文詩人筆會

微群組看圖作詩比賽

 

發起人:蓮心(印尼)

評委:葉莎(台灣)、于而凡(印尼)、林曉東(越南)

 

 

第一奖

17号作品:

/ 苏荣超(菲律賓)

 

一堵罪恶之牆

阻隔真相

留下誘惑的空隙

 

牆外

理想是一朶带刺的鲜花

(誰能超越時间

  追尋信仰)

牆內

現實訴説著逾期謊言

(承诺背后

  一堆腐壞的人性

  持续發酵)

 

評語:语言精简,语境强过意境。前三行即詩意俱足,後段節奏分段略零亂。括号属多余。

 

第二奖

15号作品:

/林锦(新加坡)

 

密实的墙是一个意象

墙外纯真的思想

墙内万恶的邪念

你用陈腔滥调的词语

诠释过往处事的经验

把心墙打开一个小孔

让廉价的诱饵

送来明枪与暗箭

倒下的时候,你还怪

那道坚固的墙

 

評語:結構平實穩定,哲理性强,但情趣不足,意象營造可以再思突破。

 

第三奖

18号作品:

情事/ 椰子(菲律賓)

 

美丽的响尾

天籁般动听

 

暧昧的触摸

诱人走向萎靡

 

狭逢在诗意的道口

沉湎于隐藏的背后

 

即便是温柔的毒酒

只愿一醉方休

 

評語:胜在语感和节奏感。很好地换位思考,惜理意不够深,结尾处韵味不足。

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